Conflict Management and Body Language
“The quality of our lives depends not on whether or not we have conflicts, but on how we respond to them.”- Thomas Crum
What should your stance be amidst a conflict- Aggressive or Submissive? Or, Assertive?
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Gain trust and commitment of your team:
In today’s age of increasing competition in most areas of business, it is important that as a team manager, you exude not just power, authority and confidence, but also empathy, warmth and supportiveness. Your confidence strengthens your subordinates’ trust that you will safely lead them towards success. At the same time, if you are warm, empathetic and supportive towards your subordinates, research indicates that they would be more committed and dedicated towards the team goals (Furnham & Petrova, 2010; Goman, 2011)
As a manager, given that you come in contact with a lot of people as part of your work, and given how stressful your job can get, it is only natural to find yourself involved in a conflict every now and then with your subordinates, customers, or other managers in your organization. None of the extreme approaches to negotiation (namely, aggressive and submissive) are helpful.
- Aggressively putting forth your own opinions without even giving a thought to what others have to say involves running the risk of losing out on some innovative ideas that you would have been impressed by only if you would have listened with an open mind.
- On the other hand, submissively letting go of ideas that you really believed in just because your team or the CEO was not as impressed with them means that your convincing powers did not do justice to your ideas, which could have benefitted your organization only if you would have been firm enough. In both these cases, it is an altogether separate (yet worrisome) matter that your image as a charismatic and confident leader is somewhat tarnished.
Assertive Body Language - How can you adopt it?
Adopting assertive body language is the perfect balance between being aggressive and submissive when involved in a conflict. Since many emotions are involved while engaged in a conflict, it takes a lot of practice and conscious effort to maintain a calm, open, and assertive body language (Bishop, 2013; Garner, 2012; Nye, 1973). It may be difficult, but it is definitely possible to pick it up by breaking it down and understanding what it involves, which is as follows.
- Holding steady eye contact, but occasionally looking away. You might look like you are aggressively staring if you do not break eye contact every now and then (Bishop, 2013; Burnard, 1997; Garner, 2012; Pešková, 2011; Richter, n.d.). For example, you can move your gaze to the side of the person's head whenever they seem uncomfortable, or when they momentarily pause while speaking. This also helps you avoid straining your eyes, which may become narrower as you try hard to look the other person in the eye. This may have the opposite effect from what you intend, because narrow eyes are perceived as signs of aggression (Bishop, 2013).
- While some people have the habit of unconsciously frowning when they are thinking hard, you must avoid it if you can because it may give the other person the impression that you are displeased with them, or it may even make you seem aggressive (Bishop, 2013; Richter, n.d.).
- Letting your emotions show on your face to the extent that they’re respectful and not overly aggressive. When the time is right, the person whom you’re engaged in a conflict with must understand if you’re pleased or not convinced, not just from your words, but also from your facial expressions (Garner, 2012; Pešková, 2011). When your facial expressions match what you’re verbally expressing, it convinces people of your genuineness, and they’re more likely to trust you and accept your counter- arguments sportingly. As mentioned before, the only care you should take is staying respectful and assertive (and not aggressive) with your words and accompanying gestures when you communicate what you think about the other person’s argument.
- Keeping your head upright- neither lowering it nor holding it too high in the air to avoid coming across as either submissive or aggressive respectively. Occasionally nodding and tilting your head to the side helps let the other person know that you are interested in listening to their point of view (Bishop, 2013; Garner, 2012; Richter, n.d.).
- Taking care to not cross your arms or legs, because that can make you appear defensive and closed-off, which is something you would definitely like to avoid especially when involved in a disagreement (Bishop, 2013; Loo, 2006; Richter, n.d.).
- When you are putting forth your point, you should avoid holding your arms in front of your upper body, or touching your neck or face, as these mannerisms make you look like you’re trying to hide behind a shield because you are not confident about what you’re proposing (Burnard, 1997; Gray, 1988; Richter, n.d.).
- Speaking in a clear voice which is just loud enough for the person to hear without raising your voice during an argument may take some practice, but it works wonders. It keeps the argument from getting sidetracked, and allows you to put across your point as well as hear what the other person has to say (Burnard, 1997; Edmondson, 1993; Pešková, 2011; Richter, n.d.).
- Maintaining respectable distance from the other person is important, even when you are not engaged in an argument. Standing too close may not only make the other person uncomfortable, but would also make you seem aggressive (Bishop, 2013; Pešková, 2011).
Recognizing conflict within your team
You can look out for signs of conflict among your subordinates by observing their body language and noting whether one person is being overly aggressive, and if the other one is being submissive. You can observe the nature of their eye contact, their facial expressions, their tone of voice, and their other body movements like how they hold their head, whether they cross their arms or hold them in front of themselves. Such observations allow you to intervene and help them resolve the conflict before it gets too bad, and affects the functioning of the team.
Thus, although conflicts might sometimes be inevitable, embracing the correct verbal and non-verbal approach towards negotiating and reaching a common ground can help you keep things from getting ugly, and you might rather find yourself thinking that mild conflicts allow you and your team to think better and come up with great ideas in the end!
References
- Bishop, S. (2013). Develop your assertiveness. Kogan Page Publishers.
- Burnard, P. (1997). Effective communication skills for health professionals. Chapman & Hall.
- Edmondson, D. (1993). Quality communication: Managing conflicts and confrontations in the healthcare setting. Journal for healthcare quality, 15(2), 31–33.
- Garner, E. (2012). Assertiveness. Eric Garner & Ventus Publishing.
- Gray, M. (1988). Conflict management. Occupational therapy in health care, 5(1), 65–73.
- Loo, T. J. (2006). Street negotiation: How to resolve any conflict anytime. Page Free Publishing Inc.
Nye, R. D. (1973). Conflict among humans: Some basic psychological and social- psychological considerations. Springer Publishing. - Pešková, M. (2011). Rules and techniques of managerial assertiveness. [Bachelor Thesis,
Tomas Bata University] - Richter, D. (n.d.). Nonphysical conflict management and deescalation. Violence in Mental
Health Settings, 125–144.
